Self care, mindfulness, gratitude practices…the fad-words of therapy and self improvement. I hate that good things get co-opted and lose meaning when they become trendy.
The gratitude practice thing has been on my mind lately. The way I’ve tended to see it presented: name 3 good things before bed every day! Journal! Etc. Well, the way I see this show up for people is, “I know I should just try to be more grateful,” and “So many people have it worse off, I know I should be happy,” and overall just feeling bad for NOT being grateful, or feeling like a failure when they can’t. I’ve experienced depression. Naming a good thing is different from feeling a good thing, and trying to force it tends to feel like “My feelings are wrong”. How is that supposed to help anything?
I know that, in the long term, if someone can keep up with a journal practice of naming gratitudes like that, it can change a thought process. However, I also know how difficult that can be when you’re not feeling it. Going against the grain, requiring discipline, sometimes these are not really within reach.
What I realized recently, for myself, is to focus on the PRACTICE aspect instead of the GRATITUDE aspect. Instead of forcing the gratitude, if I engage in the things I feel grateful for, I, guess what? FEEL GRATEFUL!
Maybe this is just a repackaging of dopa-mining. While this is a new and growing acknowledged need, at least for people with ADHD, we still have a culture of work-before-play and the concept that discipline and work should come before joy. But if this packaging helps, I’m all for it. Of course it helps a bit that my gratitude practice, running, kinda fits into a “should” as well. Exercise is healthy, I’ve paired it with pickup errands, it’s currently checking off a todo item of a training plan, etc.
By doing a thing I enjoy, the gratitude comes easily. Running has been a gratitude practice for me for decades now, albeit one I haven’t always had access to, and I’ve only just realized it as a gratitude practice. Yes, going through years of NOT being able to run due to chronic illness makes me extra grateful for the sheer fact when I’m out, but it’s not just that. (3 months back and I’m finally past the phase of tearing up every time I’m out.) I glee at the beauty of the big poofy clouds and blue skies. I smile at the ornament someone put on the teeny little bush. I awe at the colors of autumn leaves or spring flowers and the dewdrops on berries that look like little beards. I stop to take a picture of the pickles in the Little Free Rock Library. I wave at neighbors. I feel smug about completing a run before the rain starts. I’m grateful for generous neighbors and laugh at the objects I attempt to run with. I pause to watch the buffleheads dip below the serene pond. I get the endorphins of the running itself, and the influence of the inspiring music on my playlist. The gratitude comes on its own.
In our capitalistic economy of trade, the impression that sacrifice has to come first, needing to “earn” the ability to feel good is strong. There is a lot of strife in the world today and survivor’s guilt, privilege guilt, might suggest we should lean into suffering. Who am I to be out running in joy instead of out joining protests?
Well, it’s not “instead of”. When I get home from a run, I’ve shaken off stagnation inertia. I feel my own ability to have impact and less helpless. I have a desire to connect. I’ve nourished myself so I have more to give. I’ve had time away from the news to gain perspective that despite suffering, there is peace to be had in glimpses by nature. Me depriving myself of gratitude does not make things better for anyone. On a more personally spiritual side, I have a belief that the creation of joy is its own magic to send positive energy and love into the world.
If you consider creating gratitude instead of finding it, what does that look like for you? Does it make “have a gratitude practice” sound more appealing? How does it connect you with others?
